Another part of caring for an aging parent is helping them with their finances. I never thought that my mom’s memory would decrease to a point where she could not remember which bills she had paid; I think I’m still in shock. For the past year, she had mentioned that “a nice lady down at the bank” had been helping her balance her checkbook. Again, I wasn’t sure why she was having problems since she wrote about ten checks per month. I knew that she was getting various incomes; maybe that had something to do with her difficulty.
I want to say that it’s one thing to invade a parent’s privacy when it comes to safety matters, but I think the ultimate invasion – is knowing their financial position. Maybe it’s a Midwesterner thing, but it was instilled in me at a young age that a person’s wealth and financial matters were their own business. You could ask someone where they went to church or who they voted for, but you never ask them about their money.
Before taking my mom, I met with the bank manager to ask which documents or forms I needed to bring. Since I was already my mom’s power of attorney, they could disclose her monthly bank statements to me; in fact, “the nice lady from the bank” had a three-ring binder in which my mom had accumulated three years of reports and various photocopies of her check ledge. (Teri is the name of the “nice lady,” and she is, in fact, very friendly and extremely patient.)
In my previous post, I mentioned that balance is essential when caring for an aging parent. So when dealing with financial matters, I want my mom to have the independence to decide “when and what” to purchase, but no need to worry about the “how.” Currently, I’ve set up an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of incoming transactions and enter her written checks once a week.
To achieve that balance, I also need to see my mother’s difficulties realistically. About a month ago, she wanted to order clothing through a catalog. When they asked her for a credit card number, she told them that she wanted to mail them a check instead. As expected, the company did not place the order, but mom insisted that she needed to “void out” the check that she hadn’t begun to write out. In her mindset, her intentions are her reality. As I’ve said before, I wish this situation wasn’t happening to my mother. I’ve realized that there are things that I can do to protect her financially; however, I also know that there will be a day when I will fail to protect her from herself.
